Straight Talk: The Last one

By Colin Taylor '11

STRAIGHT TALK

Well. It’s the last issue already. When did that happen? Time for me to remind you all of what’s going on outside our ridiculous bubble before it pops. Let’s start with what has turned into a running theme for this column: Fuckery in Somalia. Somalia is falling apart, again. For Christ’s sake, the Somali people really have no luck at all. After the Islamic Courts Union insurgency/omg terrorists nearly toppled the Transitional Federal Government, Ethiopia intervened with a military invasion, which was successful in defeating the ICU, only to have it split into splinter groups. It’s a simple lesson in politics: cut down the shit-tree, you’re gonna get hit with shit-apples. The shit-apples then grow into their own shit-trees, and soon you have a shit-forest. The biggest shit-tree of Somalian lot is the radical, totally fucked in the head Harakat al-Shabaab Mujahideen, “the Movement of Warrior Youth”. A jihadi movement whose stated mission is waging war against the enemies of Islam, is openly allied with al-Qaeda, and purposefully targets humanitarian workers and convoys. These guys are dicks. They subscribe to the sort of Islamist extremism which beats women for talking to strange men and ban radio stations from playing music and chops off hands. They fucking stoned a thirteen year old gang rape victim to death. Ruthless barbarians. The Somalian Shitforest now covers half of the country, and parts of the capital city. PARTS. The Tenth Battle for Mogadishu began two weeks ago, pitting a 2500 Somali Army force, a 5,250 man African Union intervention force who aren’t allowed to go hunting against god knows how many militants. The Somalian Army’s heaviest weapon is the ‘technical’, which is when you put a big gun in the back of a pickup and while they’re totally awesome, it’s clearly not enough. What are we supposed to do here? Clearly we can’t just let them fall again. But in a situation where everything is extreme- extreme violence, poverty, anger, radicalism- how do you calm that? Nobody except apparently Uganda wants to get involved in a full-on war in Somalia, and who knows if we can even win? I say it doesn’t matter. We gotta. We just gotta. We owe the people that much.

Alright. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s talk about some other stuff. Europe is still freaking out over their economic crisis, and cobbled together a TRILLION dollar bailout for stupid Greece and their stupid debt. Thailand is undergoing some serious turbulence right now as the police and protesters fight in the streets of Bangkok, and gunfights have broken out as tires burn and the people fight back against an elite they say are trying to control the democratic process. Since the military kicked out the Prime Minister in 2006, the shit-winds of public resentment have coalesced into a shit-tornado of revolt. This is gonna turn nasty before it gets better. Somehow, I don’t see the military backing down. But this is good. Hooray democracy! Take note, China and Myanmar.

While we’re on the subject of democracy, let’s talk for a minute about democracy at Bennington. The SEPC demand that student representatives have a voice in administrative processes is legitimate, valid, and I am shocked why there isn’t one already. Congratulations to this year’s SEPC for finally taking the initiative. Our school is kind of like the government of an African hybrid dictator: loudly talking about how liberal and progressive our school is, how we design our own education, but then are given no choice in administrative decisions which affect our educations, and all the power in the school is centralized in the executive, which has no term limits. If tuition is paying taxes, then we deserve the vote. And the way the administration actively attempts to suppress dissent is simply pathetic. No representation and no dissension? I understand there have to be limits, but then don’t present a false image if you aren’t sincere.

If anyone thinks globalization isn’t here to stay, they need to wake up and smell the shit-roses. American specialists in fuckery are moving to Africa as a place to fight social battles in the United States. The Kenyan constitution, part of the broad reform that everyone really wants and Kenya really needs, apparently ‘significantly expands abortion rights’, which it doesn’t, actually. Abortion is still illegal, but you can get one for special cases. This has provoked the ire of Republican members of Congress, who accused the US Embassy in Nairobi of breaking its neutrality on the issue AND ARE SENDING REPRESENTATIVES TO KENYA. ABOUT ABORTION…IN KENYA. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT MAKE SENSE? They’re breaking their own neutrality by complaining at all. Let the KENYANS decide what they want. Same thing goes for the American evangelical dicks who are going to Uganda to encourage them to pass a bill to potentially execute gay people with AIDS. WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON’T ENCOURAGE THAT, AND STAY FAR THE FUCK AWAY FROM AFRICAN POLITICS. THERE IS NO PLACE FOR YOU THERE AND YOU ARE NOT WANTED. There are so many goddamned stupid people out there. Don’t be one of them.